A little more than six months ago I assumed the responsibility of becoming Power of Attorney for a friend of my sister Ruth. She had met Joan when the two of them were in high school. Joan was a year older than Ruth, but a bond developed between them that lasted five and a half decades. Even after Ruth graduated from high school and moved out to Ohio, she remained in contact with Joan by mail and phone. Whenever Ruth came back “home” to Middletown to spend time with family, she never failed to give at least one day for visiting with her “old” high school friend Joan.

I don’t know when the symptoms first appeared, but Joan developed Multiple Sclerosis, and eventually was forced to quit working. As the disease progressed, she lost her ability to walk, and later on became dependent on a power wheelchair for mobility. She became unable to do most daily activities without assistance, and finally had to have a live-in health care assistant. But she never gave up “living.” Joan had many ways of occupying her time and keeping herself busy.

From time to time it was necessary for Joan to be hospitalized for various ailments. On top of the MS, she also became a diabetic, and required the assistance of another person to even perform the finger sticks to check her blood sugar levels, and to administer the insulin shots that were occasionally required. She also spent time in various nursing homes for recuperative periods. But the time came when it seemed apparent that she was going to need to remain living in a nursing care facility in order to receive the care she needed.

It was during a long term stay at a nursing home that she asked me to be her Power of Attorney. She still hoped that she would be able to return to her own home with live-in assistance. Yet, she felt it was time to put her affairs in order and arrange for someone who would carry out her wishes. She had another person who had been designated as her P.O.A., but he proved to be unreliable. Thus she turned to me, the brother of her best friend. After a couple of visits with Joan at the nursing home, I arranged for an attorney to visit her and gather the information needed to rescind the old P.O.A. and establish me in the position. In addition, she also wanted a Health Care Proxy established, and had me named as that as well. Finally, she wanted her will re-written, and the attorney agreed to prepare that as well. A few weeks later, with all the necessary forms prepared, and with a stenographer from his office accompanying him, the attorney returned to the nursing home where Joan laboriously signed several pages of legal documents. With those several strokes of her pen, Joan gave me new responsibilities.

But it was obvious that her deteriorated condition was getting to Joan. The decubiti on her lower back and hips were not healing as expected, and she was frequently in pain. Still, she always greeted me with a smile when I visited each week, and she talked about “going home.” But I could sense there was a little helplessness beginning to lurk in her subconsciousness. She even began to voice the obvious: that it might be necessary to start the process for putting her home on the market.

Then right after the start of 2008, her doctor had her readmitted to the hospital in order to do more aggressive treatment of the decubiti. I visited Joan on Wednesday, January 16th, and we chatted light-heartedly. Her smile was bright, her spirit was upbeat, and I thought I saw a glimmer of new hope in the twinkling of her eyes. Maybe, just maybe, her decubiti were beginning to respond to this new treatment, and she would finally get to return to her own home. The thought was short-lived. On Saturday morning, January 19th, I got a phone call from one of Joan’s local friends who was upset because she had heard that Joan had passed away. A rushed visit to the hospital confirmed what the friend had heard. Joan was dead.

It seems like only yesterday that I was walking into Joan’s room at the nursing home and getting ready to become her P.O.A. Now, in only a few short months, that responsibility has come to a close. Oh, I will still be handling her affairs, since I am also to be the Executor for her Will. But I will no longer be conferring with her as to what should be done. Our conversations have come to an end; no longer will she be rattling off lists of little matters she wants me to take care of over the coming month. Now it is up to me to see that all that we had discussed previously is now carried out. With the assistance of the attorney who drew up all those legal papers for Joan, we will be concerned with finalizing her affairs.

As I look back, I have no regrets taking on this responsibility for Joan. In the few months I had to get to know her, I found Joan to be a delightful person to be around. She knew what she wanted, she knew how she wanted it done, and she had the ability to explain what she wanted in such a way that you had no difficulty in doing what she wanted. She also had a wealth of knowledge of current events and past history. She was comfortable discussing a variety of subjects, and delighted in hearing the opinions of others. She was an honest person, and generous to those who helped her without expectation. What I now have to do for her, I do as a labor of love. It is my way of saying “Thank you, Joan,” for helping me become a better person by serving her needs.

No regrets, not a one. May God give you peace, Joan.